youth knows no pain
My name is Lyka Velez, 17 years old, Scorpio.
Adventurous, self-aware, and outgoing is what I am. Future media producer and PETA advocate.
I love art, and the great outdoors.
Happily Ever After's don't exist but in Disney it does.
The C word
Lovin' the new blogger! it's about time they revamped the interface.
I'm in the Philippines yo! After 15 years of being away, I had to come back. And I mean really... I had to come back. Under bad circumstances. Circumstances that in the back of my mind I knew would bring me back here but I never really thought would happen.
I always said that the only reason I'd ever come back was if there was a funeral. Well the reason isn't that. But it is pretty damn grim... My mom has cancer, not the treatable, not-scary-sounding-breast cancer, but the terminal kind. She has stage 4 breast cancer, and whole lot of complications. She still has time left, I'm guessing a year, god willing she makes it.
On my flight to Cebu (my mother's hometown where she's currently being treated), I started writing in my journal again, because I knew this would be.. a vacation (if you can call it that) I would never forget. A trip away from home that would change my life. That would change who I am ultimately. Being here taking care of my mom has been such an emotional roller coaster. I don't show that deep down inside is a whirlpool of emotional turmoil, because half the time I forget myself. I've adjusted to the uncomfortable living conditions here, which is far from the comfort I have at home. My room suddenly looks like a hotel room to me.
Many times I've wanted to go home, but... I wouldn't feel right about leaving my mom in this condition. Even though she herself is very insensitive and inconsiderate of people's feelings. Yeah, my mom ain't no trophy mother, all my life I yearned for that caring and supportive warmth every kid deserves, but instead I got a military disciplinarian with a bipolar personality. I may sound harsh but, I can guarantee you, you have never met anyone like my mom. She's a one woman circus.
So I've been here for approximately 2 months, I arrived on June 17, I flew a day after school finished because my mom's condition was getting worse, and we wanted to surprise her earlier than she expected us. My dad and I walked into her hospital room and out came the waterworks. Long story cut short. It's August now and I'm all alone in supporting my mother. My brothers and my dad went back to Dubai because of work, leaving me behind. So much drama has unfolded since I came, and most of them I went through alone. Without the shoulder of my brothers or my friends. I can confidently say I've never grown stronger in my life. I fly back on August 20, so 2 weeks to go! woohoo!
I consoled myself by repeatedly telling myself this is an opportunity to get intouch with my roots, to grow, and to take care of mommy dearest. Setting my feelings aside, I can only imagine how my mom feels... that fear that you know you're going to die. It must be like a slow moving train, you know where it's going, you can try slowing it down but you know where it's gonna stop. Alot of people are in denial. But not me. I think I'm ready... I have a plan... I have... a plan...
I'm realistic. I put together facts and I don't deny what those facts tell me. And those facts tell me that sooner or later, I'm going to be motherless and struggling to finish my education. Its life. People.. die. I really wish she didn't have this disease. I wanted my mom to be there when I get married or graduate from university. But that.. is something that was robbed from me. From me, from my mother, from my family. Which truthfully is my mom's fault. Because of her stubbornness and addiction to work, she dusted her health problems under a rug to be forgotten and let the disease break into her bones and rob that future we were supposed to have. She let it happen. A truth she realizes and blames herself daily for. All I can do is hug her and wipe her tears away, and tell her it isn't. When deep inside I feel mad at her for letting it get to this. It could have been avoided, it could have! But what's done is done. All I can do is pray for her peace of mind, and quality of life. And... get used to it.
Not only is mom sick, but oh right, a few days ago my brother's spotted my dad in a car with another woman, they weren't doing anything, he waved at my brother's with an idiotic open mouthed smile and later on explained that he was doing car-lifts and she was just woman who worked at the downstairs coffee shop.
I don't believe it.
My cousin's dad was a cheater. IS a cheater. He's a horrible man and I do not want to have anything to do with people like that. So if he really is having an affair, he's going to be out of the house and I will see to it that he's back in the slums and I will make sure he doesn't earn a cent. Hn. For the last few years I built the greatest and strongest bond with my dad, I had respect for him and I admired him, I never thought he'd do this. But... You can't believe in absolutes. People are capable of anything. And men? Men get lonely, and like most men, they're pigs. Circumstances have changed and I can suspect him for being capable of cheating on my mom. I started avoiding him and I haven't confronted him yet... Maybe when he gets here. I wanna see his face.
Anyways, it is 2:06am, and I have to go with mom to church in the morning... so.. yeah... Night. I hope this 'hard to digest' post explains my disappearance. I'm not even gonna apologize for it.
I'm in the Philippines yo! After 15 years of being away, I had to come back. And I mean really... I had to come back. Under bad circumstances. Circumstances that in the back of my mind I knew would bring me back here but I never really thought would happen.
I always said that the only reason I'd ever come back was if there was a funeral. Well the reason isn't that. But it is pretty damn grim... My mom has cancer, not the treatable, not-scary-sounding-breast cancer, but the terminal kind. She has stage 4 breast cancer, and whole lot of complications. She still has time left, I'm guessing a year, god willing she makes it.
On my flight to Cebu (my mother's hometown where she's currently being treated), I started writing in my journal again, because I knew this would be.. a vacation (if you can call it that) I would never forget. A trip away from home that would change my life. That would change who I am ultimately. Being here taking care of my mom has been such an emotional roller coaster. I don't show that deep down inside is a whirlpool of emotional turmoil, because half the time I forget myself. I've adjusted to the uncomfortable living conditions here, which is far from the comfort I have at home. My room suddenly looks like a hotel room to me.
Many times I've wanted to go home, but... I wouldn't feel right about leaving my mom in this condition. Even though she herself is very insensitive and inconsiderate of people's feelings. Yeah, my mom ain't no trophy mother, all my life I yearned for that caring and supportive warmth every kid deserves, but instead I got a military disciplinarian with a bipolar personality. I may sound harsh but, I can guarantee you, you have never met anyone like my mom. She's a one woman circus.
So I've been here for approximately 2 months, I arrived on June 17, I flew a day after school finished because my mom's condition was getting worse, and we wanted to surprise her earlier than she expected us. My dad and I walked into her hospital room and out came the waterworks. Long story cut short. It's August now and I'm all alone in supporting my mother. My brothers and my dad went back to Dubai because of work, leaving me behind. So much drama has unfolded since I came, and most of them I went through alone. Without the shoulder of my brothers or my friends. I can confidently say I've never grown stronger in my life. I fly back on August 20, so 2 weeks to go! woohoo!
I consoled myself by repeatedly telling myself this is an opportunity to get intouch with my roots, to grow, and to take care of mommy dearest. Setting my feelings aside, I can only imagine how my mom feels... that fear that you know you're going to die. It must be like a slow moving train, you know where it's going, you can try slowing it down but you know where it's gonna stop. Alot of people are in denial. But not me. I think I'm ready... I have a plan... I have... a plan...
I'm realistic. I put together facts and I don't deny what those facts tell me. And those facts tell me that sooner or later, I'm going to be motherless and struggling to finish my education. Its life. People.. die. I really wish she didn't have this disease. I wanted my mom to be there when I get married or graduate from university. But that.. is something that was robbed from me. From me, from my mother, from my family. Which truthfully is my mom's fault. Because of her stubbornness and addiction to work, she dusted her health problems under a rug to be forgotten and let the disease break into her bones and rob that future we were supposed to have. She let it happen. A truth she realizes and blames herself daily for. All I can do is hug her and wipe her tears away, and tell her it isn't. When deep inside I feel mad at her for letting it get to this. It could have been avoided, it could have! But what's done is done. All I can do is pray for her peace of mind, and quality of life. And... get used to it.
Not only is mom sick, but oh right, a few days ago my brother's spotted my dad in a car with another woman, they weren't doing anything, he waved at my brother's with an idiotic open mouthed smile and later on explained that he was doing car-lifts and she was just woman who worked at the downstairs coffee shop.
I don't believe it.
My cousin's dad was a cheater. IS a cheater. He's a horrible man and I do not want to have anything to do with people like that. So if he really is having an affair, he's going to be out of the house and I will see to it that he's back in the slums and I will make sure he doesn't earn a cent. Hn. For the last few years I built the greatest and strongest bond with my dad, I had respect for him and I admired him, I never thought he'd do this. But... You can't believe in absolutes. People are capable of anything. And men? Men get lonely, and like most men, they're pigs. Circumstances have changed and I can suspect him for being capable of cheating on my mom. I started avoiding him and I haven't confronted him yet... Maybe when he gets here. I wanna see his face.
Anyways, it is 2:06am, and I have to go with mom to church in the morning... so.. yeah... Night. I hope this 'hard to digest' post explains my disappearance. I'm not even gonna apologize for it.